random phone vomit

I don't know about you, but I take pictures on my phone quite often. So when I upload them to my computer, I always say to myself, "Gee, you should do a post about them pictures from yer mobile device." (because in my head I talk like that)
In the essence of not wanting to bore all of you to death, I excluded most pictures of myself, food, babies, all pictures of call centers and my pending art projects. The food category was especially abundant in the amount of pictures. Be grateful, y'all (oops, my mind speak slipped out).


So, in absolutely no discernible order, here are a bunch of phone pics.

Extreme egg hunting this
year for our dorm.

Best cereal ever! I grew up
on it and Jenna rediscovered
it and bought me a box.
So great.

I was at a review session when I saw
this on the chair in front of me. I don't
know if someone in a previous class
tried to cheat on a test or what. 

C# is a very difficult type
of computer programming.
I saw this massive book
when Borders went out of
business and thought of my
brother.

Can you guess which one is mine?

O chem lab this semester- extraction of
caffeine from Coca Cola. 

My sister got this lovely
sticker from a "Play 'til You
Win" machine at Spanish 8
theaters. What child would
want this?!

2010 Black Friday shopping. This is
almost midnight at Wal Mart.

Hehe.

My dorm stairs this year.

When I walk to Old Main, I
always pass this tree and think
of V for Vendetta. Mmm yes.

Terrible movie.
TERRIBLE.
Not worth the dollar I paid
to see it.

2010's Relay for Life at USU

Spring break 2010 to Zions.
The can opener my dad lent
me was a little dull...

Once again spring break 2010. Mel
wasn't exactly paying attention to
her speedometer.

Do you see a running theme
here? I like unicorns. This
is a wallet I really should've
bought.

Mel's rendition of King's Cake for
Mardi Gras 2010.

Just a staircase in the TSC.

I don't remember.

This is what happens when
we give Mel shower paints.

Mel got a pickle in a bag for
her birthday. What a lovely,
terrible-tasting present.

Oh Jeff, Jeff. He fell asleep at a hockey
game.

Best name for a cleaning product EVER.

Every time you say "Guess what?" to
my dad, he responds with "Bananas
are green!" I found these ridiculously
green bananas and laughed.

Art exhibit at BYU a few years ago.

Petey and I attempted to make lemon
squares, but I totally forgot the sugar.
They were terrible, not to mention
rock-hard.

General Conference in sign language
at Matt's house. 'Nuff said.

This is the fridge I want when
I grow up.

When the price of gas was over $4/gallon
and Matt had to fill up his truck.

A ginormous bag of Mike and Ikes
that took forever for us to get rid of.

Shelly's unicorn pillow pet. I am
jealous.

This is me today.

North Dakota doesn't exist

I will state this up front: North Dakota doesn't exist. I realized this not-so-obvious fact a few years ago when I realized that nothing ever happens there. Have you ever met anyone from North Dakota? Have you ever heard of a senator from North Dakota? Have there been any celebrities from North Dakota? Has anything historically significant ever happened in North Dakota? Do you ever see any fruit or vegetables marked with a "North Dakota" sticker? Have you ever seen a tourism advertisement for North Dakota? Do you know any sports teams from North Dakota? Have you ever heard of an airport in North Dakota? Have you seen a North Dakota license plate?! An episode of "Animal Cops: North Dakota?!" Has anyone ever shown you an actual picture of North Dakota?!?!!

No.
Because it doesn't exist.

Now some of you may argue that you've seen the movie "Fargo," which supposedly takes place in North Dakota, so therefore it must exist. I counter this argument with words from another blog: "I wonder if these same people would be willing to argue that Gotham City, Narnia, and Middle Earth are real?" Even Hogwarts. Unless you're deranged, we all know that those places don't exist, as much as we would like them to. North Dakota simply doesn't exist.


The government wants to keep us under the delusion that North Dakota actually exists. President Harrison only wanted to make his presidency seem worthwhile, and his idea was to trick everyone into believing that he accepted a grand, new state into the Union. Another reason he invented North Dakota was to create a red state that would help him when he ran for reelection. Obviously it didn't work because he lost to Cleveland. It didn't work because no one was actually in North Dakota to vote. 


The secret of Harrison's invention of North Dakota was filed away in the Book of Secrets. The only reason a select few and I know is because someone escaped the mind wipe process at the border and tried to spread the truth. What's that you say? What's this mind-wipe I speak of? Well, whenever someone actually goes to "North Dakota" and sees that it doesn't exist, government officials at the border wipe their minds so they only remember sunny grass-scapes and buffalo. It sounds preposterous, but it's true. How do you think they pulled off having a North Dakota quarter?

Just another way the government
perpetuates the lie.

The person who escaped the mind-wipe process claims to still have nightmares about what he saw. His only description is understood as this:

Just a vast, empty black space filled with swirling light and confusing shapes. Theories suggest that if you go deep into the void, you'll go mad and eventually morph into the landscape.

So, for all those who claim to have family in North Dakota (Jenna), they actually live in South Dakota, which is actually just Dakota. The government has to keep those who live close to the void quiet. And any mineral rights you may own in North Dakota (Jenna) are just another ploy. Every 68 years you'll receive a small check in the mail for a non-existent gem they found on your fake plot.

North Dakota is as real as Charlie Sheen's career or Joan Rivers' face.

Co-written by Shelly and Neal. 
Fact-checking by Neal.

Mixed Media

I have a final project in drawing due soon, and I was just Googling pictures for some inspiration.  I was enjoying the photography and mixed media pictures, so I'm here to share a few.


Any ideas to help me decide on a final project? I could always just do an excellent charcoal sketch of Alan Rickman...

Unknown Artist (I think it's titled "Geraldine Fairspot")

I love this. The picture itself is intriguing, but
with the digital media added, it adds so much
more! My favorite part is the dripping web
on her hand.

Alberto Seveso

I really like the texture and the emptiness around the
outside of the picture. 

Adam Dedman (I think)

This one, well I just thought it was cool. My criticism
is that she should've had her hair blowing in the direction
of the paint so it could flow more.

Humans vs Zombies

1 original secret zombie.
20 original zombies.
800 humans.
7 days.
Only 14 humans survived.
And once again, I forgot to sign up.

An accurate description

But that's okay, I got to sit out and watch the game play out. I liked to convince myself that I was actually an immune human, helping out the weaker humans.
The game starts out with a small group of zombies that tag humans in order to eat and stay alive. When a human is tagged, they turn into a zombie and continue the cycle. A human's only defense is to shoot a zombie with a Nerf gun and stun them until the next quarter hour rolls by. It's really fun to watch it all play out, because people become really paranoid and take all the long ways to classes.

Daytime mission on the Quad

I love this picture. A group of humans were being followed
by a group of stunned zombies who were about to respawn
in less than one minute. This picture is right at the moment
that the zombies respawned and started chasing them. 

Buildings are safe

This video is the death of a human. At one point he yells, "I'm out of ammo!"

And now, enjoy some random pictures of food! I would have a picture of Rice Creme (Norwegian), but I ate it before I got a picture of it...

Bread pudding with whiskey sauce

A breakfast I made last week. Mmm.

Overly crispy bacon. I left it in the
oven to keep warm, but the
oven temperature was too high
and it burned the bacon.

We came, we saw, we kicked it's...

Just something I rediscovered after quite some time. I can't stop listening- it's just so addicting!
Also, it has 30 Rock clips in, which automatically equals pure awesomeness.




I also rediscovered this one. I want to know how they made this.

Single Ladies

This is an excellent satire that was in the Statesman on Monday. You don't have to live in Logan to enjoy it.
Read it, read it!

" To The Single Ladies of Logan:

Many of you speak of a "dating problem." The problem as you define it is: "I hardly go on any dates." You seem to think you are the victims of the inferior male gender – too stupid, lazy or blind to ask you out.

    After all, many of the leaders of the predominant religion of the valley have told you so – but this view extends to all girls in Cache Valley. Many of you go on frequent, fun dates and know how to court like a normal rational human being, but many of you don't. There may be some truth to the notion that Prince Charming is more captivated by "Call of Duty" than by the perfectness and electness that you just radiate. But let's be honest, Prince Charming doesn't play his roommate's x-box much, and the only radiating you're doing involves this week's trigonometry assignment. There is a dating problem, but it's a joint problem. Here are some pointers that will help you do your part:

    1. Prioritize – If a man asks you out, clear your schedule. Homework, club meetings, commitments to attend your roommate's art show, intramural games – all of these, if they are even real – are poor excuses. Chances are the man who asked you out had to ditch his friends, sacrifice that important study group, or is otherwise making you a priority.  Backing out of a date for anything other than death of a parent or sibling demonstrates that you are either confused by your own schedule, meaning you're a psycho witch, or that you never actually intended to go out with him – a lying witch. If you think you're playing hard to get, you're probably pissing him off to the point he needs Nazi-zombies to relax.

    2. Honesty – You obsess about how you want your man confident and manly. So treat him like a man. If you don't like a man, just tell him. Stop lying, stop excusing and stop avoiding. Failure to speak the truth or exaggerating is lying. You are not sparing anyone by lying – lazy witch. Instead you are making him feel like an idiot for believing you when you told him you couldn't go on a date with anyone for a while because you are too busy with homework. When he sees you at Charlie's with that douche guy on Friday night, he'll know you lied, you lying witch, you. All that you've succeeded to do is prove that "Gran Turismo" would have been a better use of the time he spent talking to you.

    3. Communicate – If you don't like sushi, tell him before he pulls up at Black Pearl, a real man will have solutions. Two weeks later when he asks your roommate why you won't answer the phone is not the time for him to find out – lying witch. This blow to his self-esteem will probably require him to spend a few hours with "Halo" to regain his loss.

    4. Maintenance takes two – You can vote, wear pants and play football. In this new world you can ask a boy out. Maybe not for a first, second or even third date. But at some point even Superman needs you to initiate the activities. A man will probably plan and execute most dates, but he can't do it all. Face it, at some point it's your turn – selfish witch.

    5. Perfection – Yeah he may have mixed up the words when he asked you out, but lately it looks like you've been mixing all of your food groups with Tollhouse cookie dough. Really it's amazing he even looked past your terrible eyeliner to see somebody worth asking out. I mean, it obviously must be interfering with your own vision. Or were you too busy thinking of how you could ridicule this man on your unoriginal quote wall to realize he must like you enough to make his palms sweat? He's not going to be perfect, but neither are you – arrogant witch. So see past his attempts to be the Superman you demand, and be nice to the man inside. "

Originally published 4/4/11 in The Utah Statesman by Richard Orcutt 

Holi 2011

HOLI!

This is another one of my photo blogs, so enjoy.

In chronological order, I present the 2011 Festival of Colors!

Shelly, Keith, and Sara

Rooooooooommmmmmattees

She just can't get enough of that yummy powder flavor.

Marishka, Tyler, Rebecca, and Tyler's brother whose
name I just forgot. Jaden! It's Jaden.

She's due in May.

Creeper Becca.

Inside the temple.

Crowd surfing was rampant, just like feral cats.

Deceitful hug.

"God does not make carbon copies, God makes originals!"

The premature throwers. Tsk, tsk.

In case you missed it, here's an excellent video.

Police estimate that 40,000 people showed up the first day alone, which is quadruple the amount that attended last year, which was more than triple the number that attended the year before (read that a few times before you confuse yourself).


I had a lot of fun going to the 1:00 and 3:00 sessions. After the 3:00 colors were done throwing, Mary and I booked it to the bus to get back as soon as possible. We had been watching people wait for the buses earlier and it was chaotic. The dancing in the Hare Krishna temple this year was more exciting than last- it was a continuous stream of ever-changing dances that wore you down after a while. One part of the never-ending dance involved running from one corner of the room and sliding on your knees to the other corner. It hurt if you did it wrong, which I did.
Even though I lost two bags of color, it was a delightful event. Mostly because I brought a face mask and goggles, so I could both see and breathe, unlike last year.

Go next year if you can.