Things Change

There are lots of things that are on my mind lately, and I seem to be doing a terrible job at keeping you at least a little up-to-date in my life.

I had plans. I was going to come back and go back to my old job until I moved to Logan and went to USU in the fall. And there were other plans, too, but I won't bore you. Needless to say, things change.

I wasn't able to go back to my old job because they were overstaffed. And I needed a job bad. Return missionaries are super poor; more so than college students sometimes. I didn't even have gas money to get around-- I had to keep getting money from my parents. But after being home for five weeks, I finally got a job. Then my schedule was filled and I needed time to find an apartment.

I finally found the time to get up to Logan to get an apartment. The stress of getting an apartment was almost overwhelming because I didn't have the money. But I got up to Logan, and I was excited to be back. I saw USU campus and couldn't help but be happy. And when I saw the art building I almost felt a leap of nervous excitement.

But then things kind of fell apart. I went up for a specific apartment, and it got sold earlier that day. Granted, I didn't go well-prepared in case this happened, but it felt like everything went down the toilet at that point. I just didn't (and still don't) have the money for even a deposit, let alone a semester's rent. My mom tried to find other apartments, but I was in a terribly sour mood and after searching through even more classifieds, I just didn't want to try anymore. I left Logan the next day, apartmentless and more stressed than before.

That night I had the thought cross my mind to not go back to school in the fall. I mean, I didn't really have the financial means to return to school, and I just barely started a job that needed me because they're so short-staffed. My first reaction to this thought was anger. I was angry because I just wanted to go to school. I love learning. I love the college life. I love everything about it.

The next few days consisted of me struggling to figure my situation out. I prayed and studied my scriptures, weighed my options, and searched for direction. I finally made up my mind that I wasn't going back to school. The decision wasn't easy; I mean, at the rate that I'm going in school, I'm going to graduate when I'm 27-28. In art.

Aye yaye yaye.

However, Heavenly Father has better plans than we do. His plans are perfect, so when I trusted that I really wasn't supposed to go to school right away, I had a lot more hope. And not going to school provided me time to save up money and buy a nice camera all on my own-- something I've desperately wanted to accomplish since I was 14.

There was a flip side: I would have to live at home to save up for rent and a camera. I don't like living at home. This is the fourth time I've had to move back home after being out on my own. For whatever reason, I always feel like my growth is stunted when I'm living at home. And with my new hours at work, I pretty much lost my social life.

Could I really do that for a whole year? I doubted it.

Then on Sunday I was doing some menial chore I can't remember and pondering. The thought that crossed my mind was something I hadn't considered: You could move to Logan spring semester and work. It was the first time in two weeks that I wasn't confused about my situation. And it felt so good.

Now I'm excited. I totally wish I could move to Logan right now, but as soon as I save up, I'm going for it.

Things change. But always for the better.