Things That Must Go

My list of

Things That Must Go 
[in the workplace]:

• The coworker that talks about how much she hates certain political leaders, and even though you've told her that we're not allowed to discuss politics at work, she continues to randomly hint at how much she hates those leaders. 
  
• The (same) coworker that talks about how her life basically revolves around tanning. How she is grumpy without tanning, how she thinks tanning isn't that harmful, and how her absolute favorite hobby is tanning. And for some reason, she actually isn't that tan. I've already told you that I don't support tanning because I don't need another reason to get cancer, and that I think pale people are exceptionally gorgeous, so stop trying to convince me that I should tan.
  
• The (same) coworker that says medicine is evil. I understand that people can use medicine in a bad way, but there is nothing inherently evil about medicine. It's not going to sprout horns and a tail and send you to pit of endless fire and brimstone. Some people cannot live without medicine, like the other coworker on our table. She needs a slew of psych meds, and unless you want her to go all crazy on us, she is going to take them, whether you think they're evil or not.
  Also, if I need Ambien in order to sleep some nights, don't tell me a cup of a flavored tea is going to work just as well. I've tried it. It doesn't work. It's NOT going to cure my insomnia. So just let it go, and let me take my Ambien.
  
• People who say, "Yeah, seriously!" with incredible zest repeatedly throughout the 8 hour work day.
  
• The coworker that asks you to retell a story they missed earlier, and when you start telling it they begin questioning if it really happened. Why would I make up a story about my brother taking the screen off my window? What benefit would it bestow me? None. So either just let me tell my story or don't ask in the first place.
  
• Hitting your knee on the sharp edge of the drawer at work. 
  
• People who actually like the Twilight movies but don't like Inglourious Basterds and other great movies. You may be an awesome person, but you have bad taste in movies.
  
  And finally...
  
• The coworker (who I love to death) who just has some facts wrong. Avocados do not have 6,000 calories a piece; the budget for Twilight was not $8,000 (it was $37 million); a slice of boxed cake is only 235 calories, not 1500; and finally, Weird Al was not sued by Coolio for billions of dollars because of the song "Amish Paradise."

(The idea of "Things That Must Go" is from X96's Radio From Hell show)