Education

So, there was this awkward moment when I realized that for some reason I had accidentally disabled commenting on my blog. Obviously it wasn't a big deal since it's probably been a year or so since I noticed. Anyway, now you can comment if you want. Or don't. I'm just glad if you're still with me reading this!

I went to my little sister Mary's high school graduation last week. It's been six years since I graduated, so of course being at the ceremony brought back many memories. Some of the good memories were brought up as I was watching the orchestra play, especially the Lord of the Rings Symphony, which I remember loving to play that song. So yeah! Memories.



But I also had other feelings, too. Being jaded and bitter, for a start.


I went to Utah State University for three years. I was a chemistry major for two years then switched to art (hoping to pursue photography). Then I went on a mission. I came home from my mission last year and registered to go back to school in the fall. I was excited, albeit nervous since it had been three years from the last time I was in school.

Then it didn't work out. I worked and lived at home. It sucked at first, but it ended up leading me to Dustin, who I married. I definitely don't have any complaints about that.

And then this February I had to think about school yet again. I had accidentally been dropped as a student by USU, so I had to reapply. There were all sorts of weird issues with my application, mainly due to the fact that I applied to be an art major without submitting a portfolio (something I didn't think about at the time of filling out an admission form). I had to call a bunch of people and explain my story to every single one of them, and finally one of the guys actually helped me.

I went to register for classes and it didn't work out yet again. This time, however, I didn't really fight it. I had been debating for a while whether I actually wanted to go back to school, and when registration didn't work for me, I kind of didn't care anymore. It felt like everything was once again conspiring against me, so I didn't try to fight it. Maybe I should have.



So here I am: not going back to school for the fourth year in a row. USU doesn't do Associate's degrees (or at least they didn't when I started), so I have nothing to show for my three years as a student, except what's in my head. Don't get me wrong-- the experiences and friends I made (many of them lifelong friends) were all worth it. But I'm starting to think my education wasn't.

Dustin has had a similar experience with trying college and it not working out. He ended up getting a technical certificate to be a butcher, and it's something he really enjoys.



I have no idea what I want to do. I kind of let go of the idea of being a professional photographer a couple months ago. It's not something completely off the table, but in all honesty, I am probably not going to do it. That decision was a shitty one to make, even when done with the Spirit. Feeling like your only talent was a was of time and effort isn't exactly a pleasant experience.

I've had to think a lot about what I'm supposed to do as a career. I don't want to go back to college because the only thing I have to show for it is debt (besides the experiences and friends). I always held education in a high regard: both my parents are college graduates and I grew up expecting to do the same. The Prophet has counseled us to get a higher education. But sometimes it's not right for everyone. I used to think that getting a degree was the right thing for me. But now...



There's a great bright side to all of this: I absolutely love my job. I have yet to have a day where I feel like I'm going to work. My coworkers (in both the Provo and Logan locations) are my friends, and I feel incredibly fulfilled each day. Working with disabled individuals is so. freaking. fun. It's fantastic!



Really the only reason I think about school is because if we ever move and a job like mine isn't an option, I really don't have another route. I've looked into technical colleges, but nothing has caught my eye. And way down the road if we ever have kids, I want them to know that getting an education is a good thing-- something I would like to be a personal example of.

Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it to get a degree. Many people who graduate don't go into their fields at all.  I could go on about this for a while, but I recommend listening to a segment from NPR instead. It may be depressing at first, but I thoroughly enjoyed the whole show: Millenials in Today's Work Force. (Seriously-- listen to it. IT APPLIES TO YOU.)


I am quite grateful for all the education I've received. I've seen people who never had a chance to go to school, and I recognize that it does make a big difference. So don't get me wrong, I am very grateful. I am trying to follow the guidance of the Spirit and do what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I just don't know how to feel about education anymore. Is there a school where I can just learn about cats all day??