Umbrellas!

In lieu of the recent rain, there has obviously been an influx of umbrellas. Because of the wide variety of umbrellas out there, I couldn't help but evaluate each person and their umbrella and come to some sort of conclusion about their personality. Or way of life.

But now I would like to share what I think your umbrella says about you.

What Your Umbrella Says About You, According to Sarah:

Plain old black- This could mean one of two things. 1) You are a secret agent/spy and you prefer to blend into large crowds due to your nature of work. 2) You are boring and cheap, considering a lot of plain black umbrellas are sold at dollar stores nationwide.

No Umbrella- 1) You are unprepared. 2) You are lazy. 3) You are a rebel.

Beige/Tan- This is the most boring color ever. At least white is classy. Tan/Beige just is boring. So, if you have a beige/tan umbrella, then you are a horribly boring person. Also, if your skin also happens to be that color, it sends me the message that you wish you were invisible, or you wish you could hide behind that umbrella forever. You are boring.

- If you have a see-through umbrella, then you must be paranoid. It seems like you must be afraid of people sneaking up behind you and stabbing you with their umbrellas. You are still scared of the Boogeyman, and you have yet to overcome your childhood fears.

Red/Orange- Having an umbrella this color probably means you have a strong personality and you either like bold, aggressive colors (red) or eye-irritating colors (orange). You also might like blood, but I am not terribly sure about that...

Yellow- When I see a person with a yellow umbrella, I get the impression that the person holding the said umbrella is happy, cheerful, and lovely to be around. And since I am always right, it does mean that they are happy, cheerful, and pleasant. And they should be my friend.

That really neon color used in crossing guard vests- This says, "Hey! I like attention! Even if it means hurting your brain because this color is SO BRIGHT." Because this color is the most noticeable to the human eye, your sight will immediately be drawn to this ostentatious bumbershoot. This may not be a good thing. People using this color of umbrella should cease immediately.

Plain old blue- A person with this umbrella color probably is poor or just plain old cheap, but they are also a little conservative (or possibly dull) in their outward presentation. They may be an awesome person (such as myself), or they might be quite dull (such as... not myself). With this umbrella, you could sneak around in a crowd and become lost forever.

Rainbow- To some people in this world, if you carried a rainbow umbrella you might be considered gay. Not to me, not to me. Having a rainbow rain-shielding device says to me that you really appreciate the full visible color spectrum. Thanks for liking every color and not discriminating against the lesser colors, rainbow umbrella person.

P•o•l•k•a D•o•t- A polka dot umbrella can either mean you are really girly or you're really crafty. Or possibly both. If you have this umbrella, you might actually like scrapbooking, which in turn would mean you actually like wasting money on fancy paper. Also, a red polka dot umbrella could show an intense love for Minnie Mouse.

Design- So this category is a little broad, but I don't really want to go through a million different designs you could have on an umbrella. So...

• Having a comic book/superhero/fictional character on your umbrella is really cool. It says to me that you still love your kid cartoons, sci-fi movies and/or you're just a nerd. Basically, you're like most of the kids on MLIA, and you're like me. Having an umbrella with Batman, Iron Man, Darth Vader, Spock, or any Harry Potter character means you're cool. It's pretty simple.
• If you have a picture of Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber on your umbrella, you suck. Even if you're 10 years old, you still suck.
• If you have an umbrella littered with kittens (pun intended), then you probably convey a crazy, psycho, will-be-alone-for-the-rest-of-your-life, and fanatic personality. If you have a cat umbrella, you're immediately my best friend.
• If you have a dog umbrella, it means you enjoy dealing with nasty, slobbery things. You might be outspoken and relatively socially acceptable, and you may even be fun, but if you have a dog umbrella, you will not be my friend.
• If you have an umbrella with any other pattern or design (besides skull and crossbones), you might be an exciting person who doesn't want to scream out their awesomeness. You would rather just hint at how rad you are.
• If you have a skull and crossbones umbrella, you might consider yourself a rebel, even though you are a pretty lame rebel. You might act punk or emo, but you're not. You're a poser. Boo.

Bonus! Types of umbrellas:

Wagasa Umbrella- If you have one of these in the rain, you could either be a tourist that is a little confused about the precipitation, or you could just want to ruin your lovely paper umbrella. If you try to use one of these, you're probably not that bright, or you probably care more about fashion and looks than functionality.

Sword umbrella- You are probably a very dangerous person, but not dangerous enough to hide a gun in that parasol. You could also be a secret agent (if it's black, remember), and a dangerous one at that. There is also a very small possibility that you are psychopathic and you might need therapy. Just sayin'.

Drink Umbrella- If you are trying to use a drink umbrella as a real umbrella, you should check yourself in to the stupid clinic. Because that's just stupid. If you are currently using a drink umbrella for its intended purpose, then you are either 1) having a delicious drink, 2) in paradise, or 3) both. This means that you are relaxed, fun and exciting. You might even be really tan!

Be Warned: If you see someone with an overly large umbrella, gumboots, waterproof pants and a really thick raincoat, they are actually a witch trying not to melt in the water. Beware!