This week's been busy, if you can imagine, but also really excellent. My last day of work was last Thursday, so on Wednesday some of my coworkers and I went to Tucanos and had a great lunch. It's been a blessing and a blast to work with such awesome coworkers, and I will definitely miss them. Brandon even told me that when I leave, Utah will cry with lots of snow (which was his way of saying he'll miss me). Except I was so full from Tucanos that I'm pretty sure I didn't eat until the next morning.
I've been trying to get those last minute bits and pieces together. I still have not found a bag for my mission, but I decided I'll find a substitute until I get to Pennsylvania and hopefully find one there (because apparently all the stores in Utah hate me?). But this week was slightly anxiety-inducing, because people keep asking me one question:
"Are you ready?"
My first response is "Yeah, I've got all my clothes and stuff, just need to pack it all up..." However, my second response is more realistic, "I feel like I should know more." Those of you who have been on missions, I'm assuming every missionary feels this way. Like I should've studied harder, practiced more, and memorized scriptures. Earlier this week I was worried about how inadequate I felt, but while preparing for my talk I came across this:
In June of 1837 in the Kirtland Temple, the Prophet Joseph Smith whispered to Heber C. Kimball that the Spirit of the Lord had spoken that Heber should “go to England and proclaim [the] Gospel, and open the door of salvation to that nation.”
At the time, Heber C. Kimball was 36 years old. He had been a member of the Church for five years and an Apostle for two years. He had a wife and small children. He was the first missionary called to serve outside of North America. A financial panic had swept over the country and the Church in 1837. It was not an auspicious time for Joseph or Heber to commence such a project. But, as Joseph said, the Spirit of the Lord had directed the action.
Heber recorded his reaction: “O, Lord, I am a man of stammering tongue, and altogether unfit for such a work; how can I go to preach in that land?”
Almost everyone who attempts missionary work feels inadequate in some way. The idea of such a mission was almost more than Heber could bear, but his faith and obedience prevailed. He stated: “However, all these considerations did not deter me from the path of duty; the moment I understood the will of my Heavenly Father, I felt a determination to go at all hazards, believing that He would support me by His almighty power, and endow me with every qualification that I needed; … I felt that the cause of truth, the Gospel of Christ, outweighed every other consideration.”
Think of the challenge of being a missionary and opening a new country without members, Church buildings, a mission home, or any funds! Despite these feelings of inadequacy, Elder Kimball worked hard and was humble. He and his companions were very successful. ("Be a Missionary All Your Life," Quentin L. Cook, Sept 2008 Ensign)
And boom! My worries were gone. If we work hard and keep an "eye single to his glory," (D&C 8:15) our inadequacies can be strengthened in Him. So even though I tell people to infuse knowledge into my brain when they ask what they can help me with, I know I'll be okay.
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